meditatio at the water's edge

I was reading Romans 9 this morning from The Message:

All those people who didn’t seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened out their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their “God projects” that they didn’t notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling.

As I read these words, I got a terrifying feeling that I can get so caught up in my “God projects” that I don’t notice God right in front of me. But worse, I have a stronger sense that for so many churches this is the standard operating procedure.

In these moments when I am gripped by such realizations, I want to get out of the “God project” business. My first inclination is that that means getting out of ‘paid ministry’ (oooh, I hate that term!). But I don’t think that that is necessary. I just have to order my efforts around a different agenda. Now, that might get me pushed out of a place, but it might also be an opportunity to become the small rudder that turns the great ship.

O God, I don’t want to take over anymore. I don’t want a do-it-yourself life. I want to ‘find you on the way, not in the way.’ I want to embrace what your doing as you straighten out my life. Don’t let me miss you at any moment today. Make me wide-eyed and awake to your Presence around me and your work within me today. I don’t want to end up absorbed in my “God projects” and miss out on what you’re really up to. Lord have mercy. Yes, may it be so.