meditatio at the water's edge

The Problem with Me

I live in a culture that is obsessed with me. Well, thankfully, not me personally, but with each individual 'me'. Religion is 'my' religion. Faith is 'my' faith. I have 'my' free will. I have 'my' right to choose what is good for 'me'.

The problem with 'me' is that 'I' am not really the individual I imagine myself to be. Too many of us think and speak of the Christian life, mission, and salvation in these individualistic terms.

This plays out in some very strange ideas and language concerning salvation. One idea that has really bothered my recently is the idea that "Even if I was the ONLY person who had ever sinned, Jesus would have still died for me."

Huh?

The idea is fundamentally flawed for several reasons. First, it ignores the extensive results of sin. 'I' assume that 'my' sin only affects 'me'. The reality is that sin is never limited in its disastrous effects to one person.

The problem with 'me' is that 'I' think my sin doesn't affect other people. Here, I am talking about my secret sins--sins that I believe to be hidden from the awareness of others. The problem is that sin, whether or not it is apparent to others or not, impacts all my relationships.

Secondly, it ignores the corporate nature of relationship. You and I are not saved solely for our own good. We are saved for the good of others.

The problem with 'me' is that 'I' think 'my' relationship with God is solely a personal thing. It is simply another compartment of 'my' life. This, however, is an error in 'my' approach to life. 'My' relationship with God is not just one compartment of my larger life. It is the fundamental characteristic of 'my' entire being. It is therefore interconnected with every relationship I have--to other human beings, and to the rest of Creation.

It is this fundamental interconnectedness that undermines the assumptions made in the idea that "even if I was the only one...." It is really non-sensical to say things like that. The fact is that I am NOT the only one.

But there are more problems with 'me'.

Another problem with 'me' is that 'I' keep trying to be God. But, to place 'my' confidence in Jesus means to lay aside 'my' ideas about what is good and wise and right until 'my' ideas about what is good and wise and right align with what God has said is good and wise and right.

Another problem with 'me' is that 'I' keep trying to acquire. But to place 'my' confidence in Jesus means that I can no longer buy into the ideas that are being pounded into me every time I see a Mitsubishi commercial or a Dell commercial, or Coor's Light commercial. I need to stop seeing myself as a consumer.

How will I need to start seeing myself? I resist giving it a metaphor, but I know I will not see myself as one who consumes. I will need to rlate to the world around me in more creative ways and fewer consumptive ways. People will no longer be there to serve my interests in some way--even to make me feel better about myself by serving them. Creation will not be understood as something to be exploited, but a gift to be cared for and nurtured.

Another problematic statement is the suggestion that Jesus was thinking of 'me' when he was dying on the cross. Perhaps he was. But it just sounds so narcissistic to say it. Do we really need such romantic ideas to place our confidence in what Jesus did in his life, death and resurrection? I certainly hope not. I don't even think it is helpful for us to think like that.

What ‘I’ really need is to understand that ‘I’ am joining up with something that is already going on—something bigger than ‘me’.

This makes me think of another problematic idea that is circulating; the idea that, "Everything that has happened has been leading up to 'me.'“ I suppose the people who say this have in mind the passage from Hebrews 11 and 12:1-3, but they make the mistake of reading it through the individualistic lenses of our culture. It was not all for 'me.' The story is not even about 'me'. It is something that I can now join up with, but it has been going on without me since the dawn of creation, and it will continue with or without me.

I think all these self-centered ideas about salvation, mission, and the Christian life only serve to fill us with all sorts of anxieties. Am 'I' saved? What is God's plan for 'my' life? Did I miss God's 'primary plan' for 'my' life and now must I settle for God's 'plan B' (or plan C, D, E, etc.)? These things are not helpful to us individually or corporately.

Now, I do not want to ignore the reality that we do have individuality. We do, and we must respect that. However, we must see our individual selves in the context of something larger than ourselves. I did not get here on my own, and I will not get anywhere on my own. I must always understand myself as a person in community. Therefore, I am necessarily responsible to live, think, speak, and act in ways that respect community.

So when we talk about salvation, we must not get caught up in thinking only of 'my' salvation ("I'm saved", etc), but in 'our' salvation.

What does this mean? I am becoming increasingly convinced that this will mean we must live in ways that demonstrate we are a 'saved people.' We will need to be community as God intended it. Honesty, selfless love, forgiveness, generosity, servanthood; these things will be hallmarks of our lives together.

Yet this challenges the ways ‘I’ arrange 'my' life. My life is no longer ‘my’ life. I will now lay down my agenda for others around me. But ‘I’ am very uncomfortable with that because it might ruin ‘my’ summer vacation plans. It might ruin ‘my’ 401K. It might ruin ‘my’ movie night!

That’s the problem with ‘me’.